Not-so-fond memories

Tom Pinney

I hated dances in school.

From the random dances we got when I was in middle school to homecoming and prom in high school, I wasn’t a fan.

It all goes back to fifth grade, and the first dance I ever went to in middle school. You could get in by donating a canned good, and so I raided our pantry (with permission) to grab something to take to school so that I could go to the dance.

The dance was horrible. There were so many people, and the music was terrible. In fact, I spent half the dance standing in the middle of the floor with a friend of mine holding up rock fingers and trying to get the DJ to stop playing hip hop.

I kept going to the dances throughout middle school because it was a way to get out of class. Granted, they weren’t doing much of anything inside the classroom during the dances, but if you stayed in the classroom, you had to hope that your teacher had cool board games and that others were staying behind.

Nothing was lamer than Go Fish with Ms. Blanco. Even though I enjoyed her as a teacher, I felt like playing cards with her during the dance was basically my low point.

The alternative was sitting against the wall in the gymnasium right next to the doors to catch just enough light to be able to read. Still, I would have rather done that.

In eighth grade, I got up the courage to ask a pretty girl to the last dance of the year. She and I had been friends throughout the year because of theater class, and she said yes.

It was still a terrible experience. The music was too loud, and I couldn’t keep up with her on the dance floor.

That, and she thought we were just going as friends, so she danced with her other friends and a few other guys. It was a disaster.

When I got to high school and the dances were not during school hours, I was excited. There was no longer some social pressure to go to the dances, and instead of staying in a classroom playing card games, I could stay home and play video games.

There were two dances I went to, however, and both of them were my senior year. Because, for some reason, I convinced myself that the negative experiences I had before were just because it was middle school and I was cynical. The dances in high school would be better!

Ah, to be young and naïve.

The first dance was my senior homecoming dance. Our football team had won their first game of the season, and I wanted to go because it was my senior year.

That, and a friend of mine didn’t want to go stag, so she asked if I wanted to go with her since the girl I really wanted to take had turned me down. I was like, yeah, why not.

There are a million reasons why not. But I thought, hey, maybe this is a good chance to show the first girl that we’re still friends, and that I didn’t take her rejection personally.

Then she showed up with someone else, and my “date” got sick halfway through the night. So there was that…

From just after homecoming to January, I was dating someone else who I was getting ready to ask to prom, but then we broke up in early February. During the speech and debate state qualifier a couple of weeks later, I found out there was a competitor on another team that really liked me.

Which was cool and all, because she was pretty, but she also lived in Toledo, three hours away from Columbus. But my brain decided to ignore that, and we started dating.

I convinced her to come down for my prom and promised to go up for hers, but we didn’t end up making it to her prom because mine was a disaster. And when I say, disaster, I mean that the evening was ruined from the moment when we walked into the dance hall.

To make a long story short, I still didn’t want to dance to the terrible music, my ex showed up with someone else to make me jealous, and my date felt awkward because she didn’t know anyone there. We argued all the way back to my house, and she left the next morning, our relationship over.

It. Was. Awful.

But, to all things, there is a bright side. For instance, dances didn’t exist in college or graduate school. Score!

The big bright side is that I learned several things about life from those dances. First, your experience isn’t going to be the same as everyone else’s when you do something, so don’t do something because others are doing it.

Second, sometimes you just have to make your own fun, from standing in the middle of the dance floor holding up rock fingers to driving down the highway, windows down, singing along to your favorite song.

Third, make sure the person you ask to the dance knows it’s a date.

Fourth, nice dances are fun if there’s no pressure to dance the whole time, like wedding receptions. Plus, they’re a great excuse to get dressed up.

Fifth, and probably most importantly, when life gives you a new, fun opportunity but you think you might not like it, don’t just sit in Ms. Blanco’s room playing Go Fish. Unless it’s something potentially dangerous, like bungie jumping or running with pruning shears, there’s no harm in trying it.

Then again, if someone’s trying to convince you to run with pruning shears… you may need new friends.

Tom Pinney is a news reporter for the Maryville Daily Forum