Millenials and adulting

Tom Pinney

Hi, I’m Tom. I’m the new guy.

Some of you might kind of know who I am; if you have listened to 90.5 FM in the morning during the last two summers, you’ve likely heard my voice.

Well, kind of; you’ve heard what I make my voice do when I have a hot microphone. My real voice is not that smooth, and definitely not that low.

I won’t bore you with the details of my life, because there aren’t enough inches in this column and I can hear my 12th grade writing teacher saying “Brevity is your friend” over and over again. I get it, Miss Straub, I’m long-winded!

Here are the pertinent details: I am a millennial. I received my Bachelor’s degree in political science from Ohio University in 2013 and started my Master’s in education at Northwest. I haven’t finished yet; long story.

For those of you doing the math at home, that would make this position, staff writer at the Daily Forum, my first official “adult” job.

It’s crazy; I never thought I’d be a writer. I always liked doing the news at KXCV, but I never thought I could get paid to do it.

And now I am.

So, there I was, talking with one of my friends who also recently got an “adult” job.

We suddenly had the realization: we both have full-time employment, we pay all of our own bills, we’ve essentially gained complete independence from our parents. We’re adults.

Who let that happen? We’re still children! I’m only 25!

I got way too excited when my business cards came in. Literally, I sent a picture of them to everyone in my family with the message, “I have cards… WITH MY NAME ON THEM.”

Clearly, there was no sort of interview process for this thing. If there were a committee on adulthood, they would’ve taken one look at my application and laughed. “Nah, not this guy, he still makes fart jokes.”

For millennials, adulthood is a bit of an identity crisis, just as it was for almost any other generation. Think about it, you’ve all had that sudden realization that you’re an adult and had a minor panic attack at the thought.

“Oh, man, I’m an adult. Rats, does that mean I have to get rid of my Captain America pajamas?”

Granted, many people became an adult before they needed to, so when the physical transition came about, there was nothing wrong.

My grandfather became an adult at nine years old when his father was killed in a workplace accident. He dropped out of school after 9th grade to take care of his siblings and his mother.

My great uncle became an adult when his father was killed in World War I, and it pushed him to enlist in the Army during World War II.

We millennials who are new to adulthood are finding ourselves the subject of ridicule for this transformation, however, because once you become an adult, you realize that anyone can do it.

Gen-Xers forget they had those moments where they were sure the adulthood police were going to confiscate their membership to the adult club.

Now, when we millennials are afraid, you laugh. “Ah, to be young and naïve,” you say, “unaware that adulthood is nothing more than a social construct.”

And to that, I say, “Very astute observation, Gen-Xers, but I need to get back on track.”

Adulthood is not a scary thing. You get cheaper rates on car insurance at a certain age.

At some point, bars and supermarket cashiers stop carding you when you buy alcohol.

People stop inviting you to late-night parties. (That’s what I’m most excited for. Take the hint, all of my friends…)

Tax refund day is like a second Christmas, especially if you made charitable donations or kept up with your tithes throughout the year.

And, yes, literally anyone can do it.

Remember, if you ever doubt yourself or wonder about your ability to adult, that there’s an adult working at the newspaper who still makes fart jokes.

And always laughs at them.