A big lesson in selflessness
Kaity Holtman
“Baby Sam,” as my nieces and nephews call him, arrived 10 weeks ago today. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long, because time with him has just flown by.
A lot has changed in the last couple weeks. He’s become a more content baby. He’s rocking tummy time, and his responsive smiles and noises have become the most rewarding moments of my day.
Sam loves going to his babysitter. I hate that I have to leave him at all, but if I do, I’m so glad, and lucky, that I leave him with her. And it sure helps that I love my job so much.
One of the most important gifts — and one of the biggest challenges — Sam has given his parents is a big lesson in selflessness.
I would like to think we weren’t really selfish people before — no comments from the peanut gallery, please — but we just got really used to it being just the two of us, for nearly 10 years.
Having a blessing like Samuel is something we prayed for, longed for, desired more than words could describe.
But we knew we’d do some sacrificing of our as-we-please lifestyle. We knew we were ready, no doubt in our minds. We knew travel would stop and tasks would wait for a while.
The sacrifices this little man has forced us to make are no doubt challenging, but they are so good for us.
I normally plant a lot of pots worth of flowers and keep a fairly pristine yard. This year, I planted about $20 worth of flowers, which are now all but dead only a few weeks later. Weed-eating only happens every three or four mowings. Outside tasks I normally do have now become my husbands or have gone by the wayside.
I manage to keep laundry done and the house picked up. But deep cleaning? That hasn’t happened in weeks. In-home cleaning, organizing, or craft projects? Now I’m just laughing.
Even making time to cook or eat is hard to come by when the little one’s feeding schedule comes first.
I now feel like I truly understand the saying about moms, “first one up in the morning, last one to sleep at night.”
We haven’t been to a restaurant to eat since my due date, April 2. Carry-out (meals and groceries) has become one of the most appreciated conveniences I know of.
Shopping, or even a trip to Walmart, is so hard to schedule.
These things used to be so seamless, so easy. I took them for granted.
In no way do I list all these things to complain. I’ll admit, I took a while to come to terms with letting go of the control over my own life I used to have.
I list them to say, I’ve come to terms with the change.
Sam doesn’t care if the vacuum was run within the last week or if my flowers are blooming.
He cares that we give him our love and attention. That we help him learn and grow and develop.
My sole purpose has changed. Any of those tasks I accomplish is just an added bonus.
Seeing Sam do something new for the first time, or seeing his contagious smile, is a million times better than seeing a spotless house with no Sam in it.
He is teaching us a new lesson all the time, but I think selflessness has been the most obvious.
We’ve also had to learn to be more selfless with one another. We’ve always been pretty independent, but still a team. We’ve no doubt grown together over the last 10 years and had to lean heavily on one another throughout our infertility journey.
But we’ve had to rely on one another and give to one another more in the last 10 weeks than ever before. It’s such a team effort. I can’t imagine doing this alone.
We’re getting the hang of things, and other people may do a better job of all those extra tasks, but I’ve learned to quit beating myself up over it.
If Sam is staying happy and healthy, we’re succeeding.
No matter how much time he takes, no matter how many snuggles he needs, no matter how many times he eats, I could not be happier to give up a little convenience of my own to give him everything he needs.
