Reflecting on 4 years

Kaity Holtman

Thursday will mark four years married to my husband Matt. Plus, we got married on our five-year anniversary. So our relationship is obviously what’s been on my mind the last few days.

Time out. Before you all start rolling your eyes and preparing for a bunch of sappy, I promise to exclude as much sappiness as possible.

We realize that four years is not very long, but we have learned a few things along the way.

I asked my husband to help me out with some reflections from over the last few years. What we’ve got here is a compilation that gives you a pretty good view into our crazy life…

Don’t leave one square of toilet paper on the roll. And more importantly, don’t leave the other stranded in the bathroom with no extra rolls.

Lies are ok if they involve snakes.

A compromise means he puts the seat down in the bathroom IF she scoots the seat back in the car.

It’s ok to go to bed mad – sometimes. Both parties think a little clearer once morning comes.

If you’re picky about which clothes get dried and which ones hang, just don’t let your husband do your laundry.

Act interested when she gets new clothes and he gets new tools, but just know you can never fill the job as well as their former roommates did.

Find the magic ratio of time spent together, alone, with friends and each others’ families. Too much of any one option is never a good idea.

Do not offer to make your wife a quesadilla at 2 a.m. when she’s been sleeping for hours and you’re just coming home from a night with the guys.

Never volunteer your spouse’s time without talking to them first.

Buy “no-wrinkle” clothing as much as possible. Avoid reminding your wife your clothes need ironed.

Avoid taking him shopping. It’s just not fun for anyone.

Avoid talking about muscle cars with her. It’s just not fun for anyone.

Ideal date nights turn from a long drive to a nice restaurant and expensive subpar movie to frozen pizza and a Redbox movie. And you’re both ok with that nine times out of 10.

It frequently seems like one person’s mood is up and the other’s is down. And while a grouch might find their spouse’s dancing around the kitchen annoying at the time, it’s vital to making the grouch happy and the dancer back down to earth.

Doing one nice thing does not give you immunity the next time you do something wrong.

Learn to read each other’s moods and facial expressions. It’s easier to help the other one when you know more about them than they do.

Say you’re sorry even if you don’t know why or if it’s not your fault. That means the “too proud” movement can be over and resolution to the fight will come sooner.

Spend time around grandparents and couples that have been married for a long time. Learn what has made their marriages work all these years.

Have friends in common and friends of your own.

Some days may be go, go go, and to work, work, work. Make sure you still ask about their day, every day.

Talk about forever. Anything less isn’t an option. Discuss “someday plans” but don’t forget to actually follow through on them at some point.

Be selfless. Not the kind of “selfishly selfless” where you pretend to be selfless so your spouse will do something nice for you. But truly selfless, expecting nothing but love in return.

Have fun together. Have hobbies together. Travel together. Experience life together. Count your blessings together.

Go to church together weekly and pray together as often as possible.

Cheers to four years and to at least 71 more!