When vacation time gets here, be very certain to be prepared

Jim Fall

Ahh, the good ol’ summertime.

That is, if it ever really gets around to being summer in northwest Missouri.

One thing is certain, however. It will get seasonal in these parts before the same happens where I used to live, in Montana.

I think the single-most difficult adjustment to have to make upon relocating from here to there — and ultimately back again — was adjusting to the climate.

And I don’t mean how cold it got, I mean how long it took summer to actually arrive so plants could be planted, and things like that.

Although Missouri and Montana are quite some distance apart — as much east-west as north-south, actually — the two states are actually in the same “zone” according to the Farmers’ Almanac and those weird looking maps that look like topographical renderings, but actually identify weather patterns.

The last spring frost in Kansas City is supposed to be April 7 (although, if memory serves me right, it was a little late this year) and the first fall frost is supposed to come around Oct. 28.

In Helena, Montana, those dates are May 19 and Sept. 18.

I remember our biggest adjustment was to not be in a rush to get plants in the ground outside. As I remember, it took us about three years to make the adjustment.

One of the coldest days I think I ever spent in my life was very close to the first of July one year when Daughter Susie and her family were in Montana for the Fourth.

We planned a float trip down the Dearborn river to the Missouri for Susie’s birthday, July 1.

We were with a native Montanan and even he admitted that it was not good weather to be on the river.

It started out well enough, but quickly turned cold, and actually began to snow.

When we stopped on the riverbank to warm ourselves around a small fire we built to prepare lunch — and try to warm ourselves — two canoes of folks pulled in beside us.

They were not interested in our fire, however.

They had decided it was a good place to stop and rest for a spell — and take a swim.

As we left, we spoke briefly — and determined they were from Norway, in the States “on holiday.”

And they were lovin’ it.

Good for them. That is what you should do when you take the family on summer vacation.

As that time approaches, though, it would probably be a good idea to be sure you have done your research and know what you are getting into.

Don’t get caught, unawares, like we did on a trip to Destin, Florida, when our girls were pretty young.

Son Tim and I took off into the surf almost immediately upon arriving at the beach. We were followed closely by a very serious warning from Susie, who must have been all of six or so at the time.

“Watch out, boys. That water has salt in it,” she was quick to warn us.

We were well aware of that “hazard,” but apparently some vacationers have not done very much homework in preparation for what should be an enjoyable vacation.

Some complaints filed with Thomas Cook Vacations personnel from customers seem almost too farfetched to be taken seriously.

But then, you probably couldn’t make up things like these:

“When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

“On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store doesn’t sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

“It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

When in …, do as the …’s do, I always say.

“We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

“The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

“They shouldn’t allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

“No-one told us there’d be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

“Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

“We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

“The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we couldn’t read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would’ve made our holiday more fun.”

“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

“I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

“The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

“We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

“It’s your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

“I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure didn’t mention mosquitoes.”

“My fiancee and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

Right.