Here’s to healthy relationships
Rachel Mayfield
Relationships seem to be a hot topic in the month of February. Sometimes we look at relationships from the standpoint of what people are doing wrong instead of what so many are doing right! So, what does it take to be in a good relationship? Well, here are some things that seem to be effective in successful relationships.
Respect: Putting our relationship as a priority helps in showing respect. We need to know what is important to our partner in order to help foster our love and commitment to one another. We typically think that true love is about putting the other person’s needs before ours—full sacrifice; however, we really need to find the balance between what we need and what our partner needs. In doing this, we respect ourselves and our partner.
Transparency: When we are aware of what our partner is doing then we typically feel safe and feel our relationship is consistent.Transparency helps limit the amount of conflict because we don’t have to guess, make up stories, or search out information. We send a text saying, “I’m going to be late” or call and say “I forgot about the meeting.” We own what is happening.
Communication: Talking to one another about everything. Michael Formica said it best, “We are special creatures that have a wonderful gift and yet we often fail to use it in one of the most effective ways—building and maintaining healthy relationships.” A huge part of communicating is listening! When we catch ourselves wanting to take a quick verbal jab at our partner, maybe we should pause and take a step back and just listen.
Empathize: It is important for us to understand and share in the feelings of our partner. Brene’ Brown tells us empathy rarely starts with the words, “At least…” and one of the best responses is, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m really glad you told me.” Fixing things is not often what is needed, listening and sharing a caring ear is something most people can do. “When we feel heard, cared about, and understood, we usually feel loved, accepted, and that we belong” (Daring Greatly, 2012).
Sharing Responsibility: When I hear this, I automatically think of teamwork. Couples who share in the responsibility of housework, finances, and child-rearing build a sense of teamwork. This concept helps build a deeper understanding of one another and a stronger sense of connection between the two. We are in this together!
Humor: When our relationships are healthy and strong, then nothing is too serious. You have to make room for a little lightheartedness if you want to have a balanced life. Sometimes, we just need to be able to laugh at ourselves and what’s going on around us. Humor in a relationship is not just about saying funny things, but also about doing things together with a sense of humor.
So, these are some of the things that make relationships work. Let’s start spending some time reflecting on how good our relationships are and why we feel they are of value to us. Let’s laugh together, respect each other, communicate, and speak our truths so we can continue to have strong relationships!
Rachel Mayfield is a counselor at the Wellness Center on the Northwest Missouri State University campus.
