Tech zombies are taking over
Jason Offutt
A group of students sat on wooden benches in the foyer of a university building, and it was quiet.
Really quiet.
Close relative visitation quiet.
When I went to college, sometime during the Martin Van Buren administration, a grouping like this would be filled with conversation, laughter, then dead silence when a cute girl walked by, followed by furious elbows to the ribs.
We never learned to talk to girls.
But all of these students stared at smartphones in their hands, or listened to an MP3 player through ear buds or oversized headphones, their attention a world away from their classmates sitting right next to them.
Technology is turning people into zombies.
Seriously, that’s what researchers are calling them. Zombies.
Seems fitting.
According to an article in Nashbville’s The Tennessean newspaper, 176 million of these American zombies are addicted to their mobile devices. That’s like the entire population of Brazil gawking slack jawed at their Candy Crush score. How could anyone samba doing that?
The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships recently published a study that showed mobile telephones have negative effects on interpersonal communication and relationships.
Duh. How can you have a relationship if you don’t know how to speak to an actual human?
Scientists studying electronic isolation have determined people who are distracted from social interactions by electronic devices can suffer depression, anxiety, anger, despair, and the sudden pain of walking into a door.
This isolation, and its side effects, have doubled in the past 30 years, according to research from the University of Arizona and Duke University.
Worried yet?
• Ninety-five percent of people who text don’t use proper spelling or grammar. (OK, I don’t know this, I just assumed.)
• Roughly 1.6 million of the 10 million automobile accidents in the US each year involve cell phones.
• One in three pedestrians cross busy city streets while talking or texting on cell phones, and fail to look left or right for oncoming traffic.
Morons.
Trouble is, cell phone addiction is getting worse.
Nomophobia (no-mobile-phone phobia), the fear of being without a mobile communication device, is actually a thing.
According to an article in Psychology Today, a growing number of college students have this phobia so bad they “shower with their cell phone.”
How does that work? Do they seal it in a sandwich bag?
The article reveals 66 percent of Americans suffer from nomophobia. Sixty-five percent sleep with their mobile phones; more than 50 percent never shut their phones off, and (you’ve got to be kidding me, Psychology Today) 34 percent answer their phone during sex.
And I was worried about cell phone users not being able to samba. Silly me.
Until the robots take over, there seems to be no end to these cell phone zombies.
All I know is I’m not one of them, so when we finally get a massive solar flare that knocks out our communication, I’ll do my best to step over all those nomophobics drooling in the fetal position on the floor.
Jason Offutt’s latest book, “Across a Corn-Swept Land: An epic beer run through the Upper Midwest,” is available at amazon.com.
