COLUMN: Not sitting still

Chris Kuhlmeyer St. Gregory Barbarigo Catholic Church

Have you ever thought, “Why should I take my children to church? They can’t sit still and be quiet, are they getting anything out of it?” I thought that many times. It would be so much easier to stay home on Sunday morning instead of fighting the battle of getting everyone dressed and to church on time.

My children aren’t teenagers yet, but I remember how hard I rebelled against going when I was a teen. Church seemed so repetitive and boring. I was just going through the motions. I had so many doubts and questions. It is hard to convince children that going to church is good for them when they don’t want to, and makes me feel like a dictator to force them to go. Oh, did I say force? I meant strongly encourage. Which I always said I wouldn’t do because I didn’t appreciate that my parents forced me to go.

In fact, as soon as I didn’t live in their house anymore, I stopped going. I felt like I had escaped oppression. In my years away from church, I enjoyed the freedom, and often wondered why other people went when they didn’t have to. Even when I had children I still thought, I don’t need a church to raise wonderful humans. I know right from wrong, and it won’t be hard to pass good values on to them.

As I would try to explain the difference between good and bad choices to my children, they asked hard questions like “Why?” and “How do you know that?” I struggled to answer because I realized it was growing up in a church and getting a foundation in faith that framed my sense of right and wrong. It hit me that I was trying to give my children a house made of walls but no foundation. Without a solid foundation the walls will collapse. I finally saw that faith is a gift not a burden.

As much as I wanted to not conform, I knew I couldn’t give my children a great foundation without a church. While I don’t believe church is the only way to provide a moral foundation, I do believe it takes structure that churches provide like intentional practices and people with a deep understanding of ethics and morality. I also knew I didn’t possess those qualities. In the time I spent away, I didn’t replace attending church with something else, I simply stopped going. I was one of those people who claimed to be spiritual, I knew there were forces greater than myself, but didn’t practice spirituality in an intentional way.

When I first returned to church it was just for my children’s sake, but as I saw their faith grow, mine was kindled too. Now that I am back to practicing my faith, as I listen to the scriptures, there is a warm familiarity, a feeling of deja vu like a visit from a dear old friend even though it has been more than 30 years since I have heard them. So even though I was sitting in church as a child without a conscious understanding of faith and with a pretty hard heart, just going through the motions, I was still hearing the message. Those Sundays in church became part of who I am even if I didn’t realize it then or want to admit it.

So, I will continue to strongly encourage my children to go to church, and I have stopped thinking they aren’t getting anything out of it.